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:iconkalliat:
First of all, I'd like to say I enjoyed this story thoroughly. It's not often you get a quality piece of writing.

First of all, Vision. I know exactly what you wanted to achieve and I can tell you stuck to it, so five out of five. You captured China's personality perfectly, and explored a side of him I love.

Originality. Since a China X Reader is so rare, I gave you four stars. It would be five if not for the fact it's a fanfic and therefore there are hundreds of thousands, but since the storyline and characters in this are so original I moved it up again to 4 1/2 stars.

Technique.... It's very well written, you captivate the audience and your writing style is fantastic. The only problem with your technique is maybe the way you've used third person in this. I think if you're going to use it, either go into more detail with the feelings or use another POV. It doesn't really take away from it though so four and a half shiny little stars from me!

Impact! Overall the story is very sweet and fun to read, and it's nice how you've written it with a kind of casual flair. One little thing nagging at me is the space where you insert the reader's name.
The actual length of the line takes away from the look of the writing and can be a little distracting. I suggest making it shorter, like _____.

I loved it! Work on these little things and you'll be a star writer!

alsopleasedonthurtmeimnotbeingmean.
The Artist thought this was FAIR
16 out of 16 deviants thought this was fair.

Comments


:iconpinkstar144:
pinkstar144 Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
OMG Thank you so much! I hadn't expected this much praise at all. Thank you, with all my heart. This meant so much to me ^^
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:iconkalliat:
kalliat Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012  Student General Artist
:3
I really think it deserves it, y'know?
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